a member

I was sent to this facility after repeated suicide attempts and repeated hospitalizations. I was verbally degraded by staff, made to feel bad when I needed anxiety medication, or pain medicine when I sustained an injury on the property. I wasn't allowed to cry without Staff telling me to stop cry, even in my own room I was afraid to cry. I was sexually assaulted by multiple times, and one Staff member made inappropriate comments about my body. When I didn't do what they wanted me to do, even when it wasn't right, I got disciplined... I was forced to stay in my room alone, for hours and days on end. Staff wouldn't check on me for hours at a time, then get mad when I asked to use the restroom because they didn't wait for a "check" (Meaning they give you permission and an opportunity to take care of business) I felt like I was losing grip on reality, the only thing to keep me company was the radio. I started talking to myself and the wall, having random debates about stupid shit, just so I didn't lose myself. In these times alone, I didn't get to participate in any programming or my therapy sessions. Staff wouldn't talk to me, They deliberately ignored me. They didn't even look in my direction, didn't acknowledge me. It gave me anxiety, I started wondering if I was dead and just a ghost roaming around. At one point I stood in the day room, refusing to leave.I couldn't take it anymore. It was an agonizing pain, similar to feeling the loss of a loved one. I was given just enough food to keep me functioning. I was ignoring about a medication having adverse effects (withdrawals). Physically weak, I could bearly carry a 10 lb weighted blanket. I threw up at least once a day everyday. We weren't given much food at all, Especially for the amount of exercise they required of us... Or else being disciplined in one way or another. In a span of 4 months, I lost 60 lb... I wish I was joking. (For reference losing 10lb in a month is considered unhealthy) Now out of space 2 type