Being secretly atheist in the Philippines is exhausting

It's been about a year since I've deconstructed, and I don't see myself coming back. Nothing can make me believe again. What I'm tired of is continuing this facade that I'm a devoted Catholic to the people I care about. I am fully aware that the stakes are high if people find out that I'm an atheist, and I don't want to lose people solely because of that. It's exhausting how I have to listen to conversations about the Catholic faith all the while pretending not to be uncomfortable. I can't help but feel like I'm being suffocated. ​I know that I can try and tell people and they might accept it, but there's the thought that they will still think I'm destined for damnation. Some people say that I'm wrong, that I'm just not doing something right, that I have to do this, or that I should check out their church instead. But I don't want that. I don't want to be indoctrinated. I just want to be myself. I only wish for people to understand that we're the same. They don't believe in the thousands of other religions in the world, and neither do I. It's just that I believe in one less. I don't want to feel scrutinized for my beliefs, or lack thereof. I just don't understand why we can't accept that