a member

I wish I was like other girls. Effortlessly beautiful and thin. I wish someone would like me and admire me, someone that would think I'm pretty. But I look horrible. I look so ugly compared to the girls in my school. And it doesn't make it any better with the fact I'm not thin. I'm mid size, but I look huge. I try to believe that I'm pretty, but I only look good in photos or selfies that I take. But once someone takes a photo of me, I look horrendous. It looks like I'm built like a fucking goblin. And especially in group photos, I'm the sore thumb that sticks out. Why am I genuinely so fucking ugly? I want to be looked at too, I want someone to look at me and think I'm so pretty. Someone to be intimated by how attractive I am. But that's not my reality. I'm the one who gets intimated and insecure from beautiful people. And even if I try to apply make up, I look like I've aged 40 years. I look like a fucking drug addict everytime I apply makeup. I want to be beautiful. Life would be different if I was thinner too. Maybe I would've been admired, and loved, as the school muse.