a member

[oversharing, probably] 4 years ago, i gained an interest for an author that was long gone. it got so intense to the point that i started researching their personal life obssessively—trying to figure out things that were never historically documented. i wrote everything and anything about them, my work was heavily inspired by their literature. but then i started feeling things that i shouldn't have. ive always told my peers that it was just an admiration thing, i didn't want to seem parasocial and it was probably something unhealthy. but it just wouldn't seem to stop, i was deep in it. fast forward to now, ive managed to reduce the intensity with the help of a few coping mechanisms. im recovering well, but i still somewhat feel the same way. and i cant just "move on" if it's been a major part of my life that i still have a strong connection with. rpfs are, in my opinion, controversial. there will be varying beliefs when it comes to topics like these within the selfshipping/yumeshipping community, so i dont expect concrete advice.🤷‍♀️