a member

I just hate that word so much. I thought I got so much better, i thought I was getting good but then I get called it again. Fucking hypocrite. I thought had opions that I believed but they all contradict and I just dont no anymore. Why does that stupid Fucking word follow me. In every opinion theres truth but I even know my own opinion. I don't wanna be that person anymore, I wanna be safe, a role model, sane, but God why do I feel so strange around everyone else. I can't stop acting, I feel every minute is surrounding me and its just an act i can't belive myself. All my ambitions and motivation started from jealousy! Do I even like it or just expect the praise? I feel threatened and thats when im emotional. I know right from wrong but is it right if its just fact from appeal? Is it wrong to have no empathy to the countless victims of murders and rapes, but to have to teach yourself to react to it? But not be capable of staring at the monster and truly feel the disturbance and disgust others do, you see text and numbers boiled down to how much a life values, and thats all I read. Is it selfish to hate just two genres cause it can't let you ease your mind outside of the inevitable stress your life acquires? Is it bad I find all my friends expendable and all the true emotion I feel is how used and wasted I feel after all that work to feel betrayed by a simple minded bug? Bad to wanted to be so obsessively loved theyre loyal to the words, till death do we part, loyal to you, therye only ideal is you. I feel so cold and Alone at the end of each and every day as I wait, patience is virtue, i wait, till i can have that dream. But apparently im not patient, im a mean snarling dog that doesn't know why it bites when it can bark just as well. Except it can't. Or so ive been told. I dont wanna be that person who I think was the evil that invented inhumane. Scissor weilding, cat strangling, selfish, hoarse voice, impulsive, brat.