I wish I was worse.

I wish I had worse mental health, I wish when I self harmed I had gone deeper and done more. Whenever I see someone with very visible and deep scars I just feel such extreme envy. I wish I was mentally ill enough for people to avoid me. I wish I was diagnosed with a shit ton of disorders, I wish I was rude to people, I wish I was a bad person. I wish worse and more traumatic things happened to me so people would take me more seriously. I wish my trauma was more valid. I wish my hallucinations were more extreme. I wish my anger issues were worse and I wish I got into more fights and arguments.