Addiction

Hi. I'm Zah, and honestly I don't know where to begin. This is my first post and I literally saw this app while I was watching YouTube and maybe this could help me. I'm under the age of 18, and I'm not from a really popular country. My confession is that I'm addicted to anything that can distract me from the real world. I'm really struggling with mental health and I resorted to smoking. It first started with Vape, it gave me that buzz, a feeling and honestly it made me feel like I looked cool. When I didn't have money for Vapes I bought cigarettes, honestly I didn't want to smoke cigarettes but I needed a distraction and something to smoke, I'm totally embarrassed of smoking cigarettes because it's disgusting, but I don't do it often enough only when it's much needed. Another thing I told myself I'd never try is weed, and yup I smoked weed 3 times, I ate edibles once and honestly it's the best and worst thing I'd ever done, it made me feel like life was worth living again but I was ashamed that I did it too. I'd probably do it again ngl, because it all feels so much and it makes me feel light again. I stopped smoking vape a month ago though mainly because I'm broke and I haven't done any other substances, so I think I'll be clean until it gets rough again. I don't know if what I have is addiction because I can stop if I want too or have too. It's just that sometimes I don't really want too. Am I an addict? What else releases stress like substances, and makes me feel calm and relaxed but isn't a type of drug yk?