Can't I Just Be Me? Not Once Not Twice. Always.

(It wasn't letting me post this normally. Or maybe I'm just dull in the head or smth-) For once I thought it was time to just be me. But of course, the moment I start to change on my own. It's like they don't even want to know me anymore. Our family has gone through a lot, and that I can say this might even just be a stupid thing I might just be ranting on about, or I don't know anymore. My life has been pretty fucking frustrating. Since I was little, I've always had to hide away, mask away and run away from the problem that were stirring within me. I felt like it was nothing, I thought it was normal. Just because no one, in my entirety, has never looked at me and said ”You. What do you want to be?” But not who. Not why, not after I try to explain the reason. In which, I have never spoke up for myself like I would to everyone else. I've only followed on what they would want me to say or be like Not once have I experienced a little dose of myself. To at least, try and be me. Without them looking at me like I killed someone. Without them looking at me like I thought they should. It was like everyone around me, just treated me like an accessory. I'm just a something, not a someone. And that has been all my life, hiding what I truly believed, what I truly needed to be. But the way it was all denied by each person I believed I could trust, I was grateful I never told them the truth. Because I knew I can't hold people like that in my grasp again. Not once will I go back, and not twice will I want to follow the shadows that melded me together when I needed it. _END ”Like an coping mechanism, I cannot stop. It's all still being solved like a little puzzle. That means nothing to anyone else but yourself, or Atleast the only person looking deeply in what it is than seeing that it is.” ”I won't ever be me again. Not once, not twice will I get hurt of those who I believed were friends and family."