a member

phew, it’s been a few days since i last put an entry here. but anyway, who cares, right? this is just a public diary. no one would actually take the time to read all of this anyway, and honestly, maybe that’s what makes it easier for me to write. i can just leave my thoughts here without worrying about whether anyone is actually listening. going back, i’m so fucking tired tonight. like, completely drained. i’ve also been feeling a little sick. i got caught in the rain earlier while attending my university’s event for the freshmen, and i guess my body is finally starting to feel the consequences. i was fine earlier, just trying to get through everything, but now that i’m finally home and everything is quiet, the headache is hitting me hard. and somehow, tonight, i miss my mom so much. maybe it’s because i’m sick. maybe because i’m exhausted. or maybe these are just the moments when i realize how badly i want someone to take care of me. i wish she were here. i wish i could tell her that my head hurts and have her worry about me, tell me to rest, bring me some water, make sure i’ve eaten, or simply stay beside me until i fall asleep. it’s strange how you can be surrounded by people, have friends, go to university, attend events, laugh, talk, and still suddenly feel that empty space where your mom is supposed to be. i’ve learned how to take care of myself. i’ve learned how to keep going even when i’m tired. but sometimes, especially on nights like this, i don’t want to be independent. i don’t want to be strong. i just want to be someone’s child for a moment. i just want my mom. i miss you so much, ma. tonight, more than usual.