a member

(F18) This started back when I was 11 years old. Growing up, I'm always surrounded by religious people, especially my family who are christians and traditional, they made me believe that being part of the LGBTQ+ community is a disgrace, so obviously I grew up with that mindset until I met this girl who became my playdate. We were 9-10 years old back then when we became close, not only is she sweet but she is also very beautiful— over time, as we grew closer and closer, I started to have this "weird" feelings for her, like just seeing her smile is already enough for my heart to skip a beat but because I grew up in an environment where homophobia is the "righteous" thing, I set that feeling aside. I tell to myself that maybe I'm just jealous of her, that I should cut our friendship off— so I did. That didn't give me the satisfaction I want, it only felt emptiness. I kept this secret to myself for years, I wish to talk to that girl again but because my words were quite brutal back then, I don't think she'll forgive me. I still think to myself that I'm just envious of her and that I actually don't love her.