a member

Realising you are trans as a Malaysian, a Sabahan no less, is a death sentence in my opinion. Because no matter how I look at it, I will never allow myself to become that sort of person. I'd loose everyone I love and I'd be all alone. I wouldn't make a very great guy anyways; I have a high a very high pitched voice and I have very feminine features. I realise today that I can't pretend forever. And I have been frequently thinking about death and when or whether I should act on it or not, because at least in death I could be everything I never got to be and people would still continue to love me in memory. Is it terrible that I get happy at that idea? It's so depressing. Just wanted to let it out because everyone I know —besides my sister— is rather transphohic. But if anyone has any advice, I would very much appreciate it.