i'm so upset and it's not even for a good reason

it's really not my place to say this but i just don't know how to sort out my emotions. i have this friend i really enjoy talking to. we've known each other for a relatively long while now and we've bonded over a lot of things. honestly i'd like to call him my other half if we knew each other on a deeper level (aand if we weren't long distance), but i can't help but worry lately. he does have a tendency to disappear all of a sudden without any prior warnings, but it's been getting me irritated and nervous lately. unfortunately i can't really call him either or flood our chats because i don't really want to intrude on his personal life. but i'm getting so tired of waiting and being baited with false hope. and i still can't even bring myself to describe it properly. just the idea of talking about how it makes me feel makes it feel as if im being forced to acknowledge that my own stupidity got me into this situation, because i hate how seriously im taking it, and i hate how weak it makes me feel. for context, i've had quite the history of trusting blindly, and i never want to go through something that'll make me feel as if i've pushed myself down to that level again. it feels like i'm making the worst mistake of my life all over again, but that isn't what it felt like on those nights when we'd talk for hours even when there was nothing left to continue the conversation. i didn't think at the time that maybe it was all in my head, even after all the things he told me and what we shared from little details down to personal ones. he was someone i was sure i could trust. the crazier part is that i knew this just from the second week since we met, and no one has ever had that much of an effect on me within that short amount of time. maybe it really is all in my head. maybe i'm sharing a vulnerability that'll only turn against me and my pride because of how stupid i'm making myself look, but it's not fair. he's expressed his own personal struggles, how he doesn't manage socializing well, but i wanted him to tell me if he ever did feel that way around me instead of just constantly vanishing on me. are you really my friend at this point? why does it feel like you're running away from me? after everything you've told me? i know it's stupid. i'm constantly reminding myself that it is, how i let my emotions cloud my judgement. but i'm just. idont know. i want him to talk to me the way he used to. i don't want him to drift away.