a member

I don't feel happy in my own life and it is because of my poor social skills as an introvert. I have a few friends but they all seem distant to me, i sometimes don't feel comfortable talking to them out of nowhere (ex: how my day went, personal issues) if its not about a certain topic because im afraid that I'll bore them. I can't hold long conversations without awkward pauses of doing random stuff to think of what to say next in the middle of it. I really do feel like im trying to be more social but i hate it when people don't notice that and say things like "you're such an introvert!!". Like i know you didn't mean in it as an insult but my heart just aches when hearing that, knowing that you think of me as the person that i dont want to be. I want a friend so bad, like a real friend i can always come to no matter what happens, my other me. I want a friend group that i feel comfortable speaking out loud to(since i can't really express myself to multiple people at once). I hate being an introvert. I want enjoy life with many friends. Please help.