TALK less, smile more

Should Have written it sooner now it's blurry in mein mind I was just wondering if y'all have the same problem as me I can't smile unless someone makes me laugh/if I see something funny Smiling is a very vereeryy foreign concept in my family, "tf you smiling at" ," dear diary; the sky is too clear ,it hurts my eyes ,the air is cold ,my throat hurts ,my fingers are numb and I need to press them against my neck every 5 minutes or else it feels like I'm going to lose them, had to do the dishes in this cold, mommy yelled me for laughing too much today I was reading when she just threw it at me, and started I Just want to be free " type beat. (↑99% fanfic btw↑) Ehhh it's not a very receptive... I forgot what receptive means 🧍‍♂️ It's not a very nurturing HOUSE YOU KNOW!!! I got that dead pan face now ,neutral to the extremes, the bloke that's always menacing, quiet and looks like they got a gun in they pocket type shi M lucky I never got a job in customer service or else I'd be the most disrespectful server everrr Not to say that I can't smile ,I smile whenever I see my baby doing something dumb or when my pookie tells me something funny but it's very rare endeed Hmmm I guess it's all in my head and I'm actually a pretty well balanced character ,I smile when I need to and I'm deadpan all the time because there's nothing to be happy about outside of specific c̶i̶r̶c̶u̶m̶c̶i̶s̶i̶o̶n̶s̶ circumstances