Giving up

I gen don't wanna say this but I just want someone to hear me and say their sorry. Which is weird I bought all these new cute clothes crop tops. Shit like that ig. I was super nervous but excited to go to school presenting as fem. I went with my sister and I was happy. I showed her all the places in the school I liked sleeping in? Lol. She's very supportive of me. I went in goth makeup. A wig. A skirt. My fav off shoulder shirt. I felt happy after so long I could do the things I wanted too. The high school called back saying i'm no longer allowed to dress like that. Saying it was a embarrassment to their school. And inappropriate to the people around it. The principal called my therapist saying I was going manic and psycho I needed professional help. Sure Teachers were giving me nasty looks with my sister and backing away from me like I was a creature. But I still felt happy. I may have problems. But even so. I was happy to be myself. I domt really ever go anywhere. The staff were very mean to me. You could see the disgust on their face. My dad said I am never allowed to dress feminine again. Feels like i'm losing her. Starting now if I can't live to be with her. Then I won't really want to live at all. But its not so bad. I'm playing this nursery rhythm like music. In my dark room I like playing with thr smoke clouds lwk rn. It's only one more year sure. But I wanted to enjoy that year being myself. And I can't. I never will it feels like. I can't look in the mirror anymore knowing ppl see me as a creature. I guess I used to like being weird and feeling the pain of being outcasted. Something changed for some reason. I'm not longer protecting the small feminity I thought I had. Ans everyone feels so annoying and faces disgusting like mine.