I'm so jealous of my brother

He is genuinely amazing compared to me. He is always the top of his class, and he is amazing at literally everything. He's got great social skills, and looks good too. I'm just an edgy disgusting fucking teenage girl with no future. I can't help but feel so envious... I don't even know that much about him, since I've always been too intimidated to ask. I've always been scared to ask people who are better than me. I always think I shouldn't even be this close or talk to them at all. I always become so awkward, it's Infuriating and so fucking stupid. Why can't I just be better than him? Hell, even just almost at his level is fine, amazing even. I just feel like I'll never amount to anything, and that I'll forever be stuck in his shadow. I used to be the top of all my classes before, but school just keeps getting harder as I get older. I always get lines of 9, line of 8 if the lessons were truly hard. But my brother gets better grades, it genuinely makes me feel so pathetic. But I still love my brother. Even if he's such a pos at times, he was my first best friend. I might genuinely die if he dies.