a member

I definitely don't know if theres something in the air this days, or it's just the normal amout of sadness in myself, but i swear to god that i haven't been able to stop being sad all the time. I have tried EVERYTHING thats on my hands, i tried to read again, watch series that normally get me out of this state, listen music, but it just doesnt feel...right. Also theres a lot i want to do, i mean, create, make art or whatever, but i just don't find it exiting as always. And i don't have the mental state to do anything. I am fighting with myself to not go to dark places and harm myself, but it's just too much. I would feel better if my life was bad rn, but no, everythings normal, so why do i feel this way? I'm really SO tired of everything. Also in a few days is my best friends birthday, and i don't feel like going to her house, but shes done SO much for me i would feel terrible if i don't so anything, besides that she just had an operation, so def she needs me there. So much, so so much.