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SUN. yesterday was my birthday. i wasn't expecting anything special. all i wanted was a peaceful day, perhaps one spent sleeping until the hours slipped away. i know some of you might wonder....why? the truth is, birthdays have always felt like ordinary days to me, days i would rather not celebrate. i want to reach the age where i can finally stand on my own feet, grow older, and become independent. yet, at the same time, a part of me desperately wishes i could remain young a little longer. there are still so many things i want to experience, so many things i wish to do before adulthood changes the way i live. but unfortunately, time waits for no one. i cannot ask the days to stop passing simply because i am not ready for what lies ahead. and perhaps that is not even the real reason i want to grow older. perhaps it is because i long for the freedom that comes with it, the freedom to find a job, earn my own money, and finally leave this place behind. there are so many dreams i have yet to fulfil, so many places i want to see and experiences i want to have, but almost everything i wish for seems to require money. without it, even the simplest dreams feel impossibly distant. i know i have said so much, yet the truth is rather simple: "i'm afraid of growing up." i'm afraid of the uncertainty that awaits me, of the responsibilities i will have to carry, and of the person i might become along the way. perhaps that is why birthdays make me uncomfortable. each one reminds me that another year has passed, bringing me closer to a future i am not entirely prepared to face. and yet, if someone were to ask me what i truly wanted for my birthday, my answer might be surprisingly childish. i want to celebrate it like an innocent child who has not yet learned to expect disappointment from the world. i want to receive gifts, laugh with the people around me, and enjoy the day as though tomorrow does not exist. most of all, i want to hear people greet me with a sincere "happy birthday!" and feel, even for a moment, that my existence is something worth celebrating. it's about having a cake or blowing out candles. those things are lovely, of course, but what i long for goes beyond them. you know, i've never had a birthday cake of my own. i've never received a gift from anyone, either. perhaps these things seem insignificant to others, but to me, they are little dreams i have carried quietly for years. a part of me still wonders what it would feel like to experience a birthday the way other people do, to wake up knowing that, just for one day, someone has made an effort to make me feel special. some people i know did greet me, and i appreciate that. still, their greetings didn't really reach me in the way i might have expected. perhaps i've grown too accustomed to treating my birthday as an ordinary day, or perhaps i've simply learned not to expect too much from it as for what happened yesterday, there's honestly not much to tell. my stepfather greeted me, but somehow, it felt uncomfortable. my mother did the same, although i couldn't help feeling as though it were a joke. as for my siblings, i could hardly imagine them greeting me sincerely. i would probably assume they were teasing me after that, my mother and i did the laundry. and that was it. nothing extraordinary, nothing particularly memorable....just another day passing by. then came today, saturday, which was payday. my parents decided to go to the market, and when they returned, we had bought a pizza and three ice creams. that became our dinner. we ate, went our separate ways, and eventually fell asleep. and just like that, another birthday had passed..... there were no grand surprises, no unforgettable moments, and no little birthday celebration i could look back on with a smile. nothing happened that would make the day stand out from all the others. but then again, i wasn't expecting anything in the first place. perhaps that's what makes it a little sad. it's not necessarily that something went wrong; it's that nothing happened at all. another year of my life passed, and the day came and went as though it were no different from any other. still, somewhere inside me, there remains that little child who dreams of a birthday filled with laughter, gifts, warmth, and genuine affection. a child who wants to feel special, even if only for a day maybe i pretend that birthdays mean nothing to me because it's easier than admitting that, deep down, i wish mine could mean something. and perhaps, someday, i'll get to experience the kind of birthday i've always dreamed of. but for now, yesterday was simply another day. another birthday. another year older and, once again, nothing memorable to remember. oct /9/ 11:00.