Gotta be honest with somethin

I feel like I'm a fraud, years of my life and now I realize I'm supposed to last until the beginning, not the end. I've been a format for laughter, development in the future. I'm probably para social because of this. I've kept it to myself, every bit of negative options or my own truth against everyone. My philosophy is cool I guess, Nevertheless.. Im a massive introvert that's unsocial. I'm kinda noisy because it's entertaining, even if I'm socially exhausted. Works the same in my education, Its either I overestimate or underestimate myself. Not saying I'm a coward, it's complicated for myself. My feelings switch up and I never hold a grudge. Im too lazy and I hate talking to my parents or anyone. I always say it's alright, it's kinda optimistic. Slowly I realize it dosent matter in the grand scheme of things. The only thing I love is you all staring at the blue screen. My social life is so unpredictable for me and too quick, if Im absent for a day I already feel left out from something massive every time. Even if I'm sick, my ambition is my poison. Or what if it's desperation disguised as ambition and courage?, I don't understand what to do in my opinion. I'm too fast, too slow, too hesitant or too obvious when answering or talking. Gotta say, it sucks relying on the internet to feel something more than real life itself. Does that make me a fraud? They call me smart, they call me funny, they call me talkative.. I've been trying to fit into their descriptions, not in their group. What does that make ‚Me’?