a member

In my almost two decades of existence, my romantic track record looks pretty small on paper: four crushes, zero boyfriends. You see, I’m not the type to jump from one crush to another. When I like someone, I stay completely loyal to that admiration, holding onto my feelings for years, focusing entirely on them. In fact, the longest I have ever liked someone was five consecutive years. ​Because I love so deeply and quietly for so long, you can find another matching number in my history: four heartbreaks. Some of those heartbreaks came from the boys I liked for years, and some came from the ones I finally allowed into my life to court me. Society tells us that if you’re NBSB, you don't know what real heartbreak feels like. But I’m here to tell you that you don’t need a relationship label to feel the sting of rejection or the ache of a love that didn't work out. When you spend years investing your heart into someone, the shattering hurts just the same. This is a look into my fair share of heartbreaks, dedicated to everyone who has ever cried over a "could’ve been."