Staleness

I'm in vacations. I should've looked for a job. I stare at my ceiling as I spend all of my days in bed. I seldomly go out, even out of my own bed. I rot in here. I do take showers and eat, but out of obligation. I do have depression after all I suppose. But. Nothing ever happens. Of course nothing would if I don't do anything first but.. why bother? I don't have any friends. I don't have anything to do. Im not passionate about anything. I just doomscrooll, cry, occasionally $# but nothing out of the ordinary for someone who's depressed I guess. I don't know what to do. I'm wasting my life away and guilt is consuming me. Every time I've wanted to change things simply turn out worse for myself. Every time I've put effort in getting better, I get worse. I've just accepted I will forever live on as a shell of a human being... It doesn't help that me and my family are in very diré situations economically, sometimes we don't eat all at all on days.