a member

Religion have been the main struggle in my life. I was born in a religious family. My parents forced me since I was young and I always obeyed but I never really got to question what I really want to be. I love my parents, I still do but everytime I say about something they don't wanna hear about my faith, I get hit and criticize badly. They told me that I would be beaten if I don't pray daily when I was young, this made me feel like I was only doing it for them and little me just got tired and fake it entirely. Now I know more clearer about my religion, I try to pray but never fully and I'm ashamed of it but I could never imagine myself praying everyday because I've been like this since I was young. My perspective of my religion seem harsh for me and when I hear that other in the same religion got it easy, I envy them deeply. Am I wrong for not trying enough or is it my parents? I still want to believe but I never commit to it fully..