a member

Guys, I cant believe this just got worse. I havent attended almost 4 weeks of classes on my TTH sched. This might be a little less problem to you, but a big deal to me. It all started when I was assigned to present a topic the next meeting. I WASN'T PREPARED! and you know what I did to get out of that unprepareness? I IGNORED IT, AVOIDED IT, BURIED IT DOWN, AND NOT ATTEND THE CLASS. Then I felt ashamed, so I didn't attend next week's classes, and another and another till its already 4 weeks! They already did an exam!!! I tried, really tried to get the courage to stepped out and just BE THERE, no matter the situation I'll havex but I COULDN'T. It makes me nauseous from the anxiety of what's going to happen. I really need help, I need to know how to move forward and stop this. I really want to go to school, not like this. All because of a f presentation that It got to this😭 I was so burned out that I desired rest, my end of school year break wasn't enough as I was working and even dread to go back to school cause I couldn't pay off the last payment. I was thinking that maybe I should focus on working for a year, saved up, and maybe get used to working so when I started entering a class, I wouldn't be so tired and maybe tired but able to focus and wont affect my school life. But they insisted I go to school cause its a waste. I didn't think it would be. Because for my self-development. Im already gonna turn 22 next year. I still feel stuck in the era of pandemic. I genuinely wanna grow up. I was thinking of transferring to another school too for less tuition payment. And again, another transfer and shifting courses- my gawdddddd, but I'll be the one responsible to pay off then. Not my family cause brother is getting closer to his college. I know everything I said is a mess, I really just wanna say everything that Ive been thinking. I havent told anyone about this after all.