Just venting

Having a manipulative and possesive bestfriend in elementary school really mess me up... in life and friendship now. I constantly thinking that my friend gonna leave me, i even have a nightmare sometimes whenever i feel like someone that close to me about to leave me or hate me when they know the true me or i make a mistake. Even the word like joking my friend said "im gonna leave you~" really triggered me to fear one time. Sometimes i feel stupid looking back at it. Cus i really stay with my toxic bestfriend throughout elementary school. Like damn im so naive but at that time i also prohibited to even go outside my house to socializing by my dad. So having that first and also toxic bestfriend really kinda blind me, thinking it's gonna be as happy like "my little pony". Lol no hate to the show but that is the one of the reason im staying with her. Well i just hope someone never ever gotta need to face/experrience like toxic or possesive bestfriend because it really, really, really suck. At that time I feel like a servant, losing my dignity, become quiet, and kinda feel like im her boyfriend or something even though we are not. 😭✌️ I never really told all this to my parents.