Im done i want to stop but still alive

Everything i feel is different in some times i want the pain to stop do if i dont engage it will stop right? So im shopping i'll be kinda different im gonna be seeking some help yeah, i hope the pain will stop. Can i ask something 1.i remember constantly, everytime i said i Miss them i remember everything the pain, the regret everything. What can i do to maybe make it stop ? (I move school but i can't forget the pain). 2.why does god make me like this? Broken