a member

Life is not forgiving. I know that shit is obvious, but man it's really showing right now. I've left like three friends on delivered and two on read, I'm literally such a shitty friend and I hate it. I hate having BPD. I hate having a FP. I hate everything and nearly everyone. Usually after having a seizure I go to my FP/bsf, but me and him still feel so dry and not like how we usually are. It somehow feels less safe to tell him things now. Now I'm worried that I won't have anyone at all to go to when I need care and comfort after something traumatic. Having epilepsy feels like a big ol' kick in the balls, and it makes me feel so weak. I like being strong. I like being someone people come to for comfort, not the opposite. I feel like I've been so lazy lately, the past few days I've just been in my room all the time. Hopefully when school starts it won't be like that, even if it will suck to have to shower every single day since my short hair just loves getting greasy not even halfway through one day of school.