9 days clean? Fuh nah

Last night, I brought my pencil case with me because that's where I kept my box cutter. I told myself I'll wake up at 4am to cut... I woke up at 7, and my mother always goes into my room at 7:30-8:00am. I was a little nervous to do it at first, because what if she walks in on me? A little self loathing and I finally did it. I was so fucking disappointed. I thought my cuts were pretty shallow, but when I finally used my tissues to clean up my blood, it was actually soaked. Hmmmmm, I guess it wasn't that bad? It wasn't a styro... But it got the job done of being red and painful. I guess it's fine. Now my problem is how to hide it, since I never really cut near my wrist. I always do it on my left inner forearm, but like on the lower side. It's a meh, it's whatevs. But I cried, and felt alive again soooo it was fine. I'm genuinely gonna crash out if my box cutter rusted.