a member

Ok so basically I'm the only one in my whole family with no father. It's been like this for a while but when I was younger I held SO much resentment towards him. As a child, I was constantly surrounded by people talking about their dads, their jobs, their personalities and I would just keep quiet and stare into nothing. I even started making up lies about him when I knew full well I knew nothing about him. I just wanted to be like the other girls in the class. To feel fatherly love. After I turned 8, I kind of started hating him. I hated that he decided to just not be part of my life or be a father to me. I hated that everyone in my family has a father but me. I would spew hateful words about him but start crying in the middle of it because I knew none of it was true. I just wanted to have a dad. As I grew up, I let go of that resentment and forgot about it for a bit. It's like when I was younger, I was so desperate for someone to fill that hole in my heart. Now? I just hope he's well and living an honest life. I've long since stopped asking my mom to look for him. It still hurts a bit but I'm kind of content with the way things are going.