a member

I'm frustrated, truly, I don't know on what ,probably on myself. I want to explore myself ,to know who am i & what do i actually want. Cause I want to be better but I've never made a decision without someone interfering into it and laughably I always get swayed even when Inside my heard & mind I know it don't want it. I want to give myself time but I don't know how to. I feel guilty as if committing a crime for being under all the expectations of everyone. What am I supposed to do? Only way I've ever been told to do is walk the past of fulfilling other's expectations. Am I not allowed to Dream for myself? Is that a crime ? Cause I feel guilty even attempting to think of one.