a member

I don't know to to explain it but when I am in a depressive episode. Death becomes a physical entity to me. I see him. Like, he is always there. Waiting. And he is back. I try to be consistent with my meds and I have been doing good so far. But he still won't leave. But this bad patch is rough. Everything is so heavy and empty. And the silence in my head feels so loud. My chest aches. Death is mocking me as he tugs at the strings of my soul and my sanity. A black figure and billowing cloak of thick black smoke. He is like an old friend, so familiar. When I sleep, when I dream, I can feel his ice cold touch on skin. It's the same everytime. I lose myself. I push away everyone else until his empty embrace is my only company and his haunting words my only conversation. The dreams he gifts me become my most stable reality, where everyone is a villain and he becomes my heaven. I don't think I can survive him again. Maybe third time to try will be my lucky strike