I think I have some kind of depression or just bad decisions (part1/2)

Well, hi I'm macintosh if u wanna call me Mac it's ok. So um. I have been feeling strange these months for too many reasons but I will say the 4 most important 1.-school I'm about to graduate from highschool in like one week but I don't feel sad or excited, just impatient. Maybe I just want to forget everything bad that happened there to me or just start all over again like a new person 2.-friends My friends are awesome .but I think I'm too mean to them. There's four main friends of me that I will say (I'm gonna put them nicknames for privacy) 1- Freddy 2-rock 3-kimbap 4-britt First, Freddy is my best friend and he is the best pal someone could want but I feel I have been pushing him out of my conversations with others Second, Rock is a good person but sometimes he does things that are not very smart and safe Third,kimbap is a very lovable girl with incredible sense of compassion with other people and I kinda liked her before but when I said my feelings to her we kinda felt awkward and I feel I am stupid because of that This is the first part. In a little bit I will do the second part just give me a little time pls :[ also I'm sorry but English is not my native language