I dont know what to do i want to end all of this

I don’t know what to do anymore. I miss people who hurt me. I know that sounds stupid. I moved schools and I think it’s my fault that I feel this empty. I was bullied, but I still hoped they’d be better to me. Now there’s no one to hurt me, and I miss it. I want to scream the truth to my mom, but I can’t. So I just bite my lip and cry in silence. I’m not okay, but I don’t know how to say it out loud.