a member

sometimes my subconscious copes with my loneliness, incapability of thinking correctly because my brain is wired in such a convoluted manner and my inability to form genuine relationships and being misunderstood and yearning for my sentimentalities and my isolated, detached, unlikeable good-for-nothing soul by pretending that there's a camera following me around and then the audience will be like "Oh my God, he's so well written" or "Faith is such a well written character, he's so nuanced" or "I actually feel so bad for him, it's not his fault he's this way!" and stuff just to feel better about not getting the attention I so crave from friends (or lack thereof) and then they'd be like "Dudeee he's so aware of the nature of this reality but he has commitment issues and is afraid if he lets go of his sentimentalities and merit dots, once his faith falters, he will regret having let go of his comforts and then he'll be like sad and unfulfilled without his comforts" and "THIS IS SUCH AMAZING WRITING! HIS NAME IS LITERALLY FAITH AND HE STRUGGLES WITH HIS FAITH" And then they'd praise my character for being so nuanced and misunderstood and all that Perhaps the reason I dont want to fix my problems is because I want to stay nuanced and be tragic and beautiful and such a breath of fresh air in character writing so that at least the lowest bar is i can cope with my lack of getting attention by having my character praised for being tragic and beautiful and so weird and different among the sea of normalcy so at least I stand out in the eyes of my unseen analysts im so good at being bad at everything i just want attention i just wnat something to be loved for i want someone to change for but that will never happen and i will forever remain a loser cuz im afraid this isn't a phase and i will genuinely never figure out why im so deficient now this is already fine for me but personally i think i would be happier if i were a girl because women are easier to sympathize with