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This entry is completely the context of the future diary entries I'll be sharing... So for 10 years I studied in this private school that is very very expensive. But also for 10 years of it, I spent all my time alone. A few months of me studying there for grade 10, I suddenly felt like I wanted to drop out. I was scared, couldn't breathe, and was sobbing so bad. I begged my family to drop me out and they had no choice but to agree. I was given a year off and a lot of my family kept trying to convince me to go back to school. So I agreed after a year and they managed to make me go to a public school instead to try. So in the first week, I only attended 3 days. I once again... Dropped out. So we reached the guidance counselor and suggested I go to ALS which is an Alternative Learning System. They say you only attend school in only specific times and that it was easier. So I did try it. They weren't kidding when they said lessons in ALS were easier btw. Technically they teach lessons from elementary or lower grades. Before I continue, I was also sent to a psychiatrist. My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and gave me pills. Unfortunately the pills does not seem to work on me at all. People there were more bearable than the students I was with in my private school. Less perverted, yes they're chaotic and naughty, but they're also respectful, and kind in my opinion. Though there's love dramas and stuff, but I guess it's better than worse type of dramas. I managed to finish my high school ALS so I was moved to grade 11 ALS. For some reason I could not get the feeling that something bad is gonna happen. It made me feel scared again to the point I said to my family that I cannot go to face to face again even though it's ALS. Them knowing the drill, did not push me. Except for my mom which made my mental health worse. My aunt managed to convince my teachers to allow me to go to modular. So now I am in modoular and teaching myself. I thought I can do it. I can really. So far I only have 2 subjects and it's very simple. But for some reason my body won't listen. My mind is spiraling, I want to disappear, I want to keep sleeping and get trapped in my lucid dream, to starve, to become dehydrated, anything to be gone from this. I have also been locking myself inside my room because they keep bothering me into waking me up telling me thing and stuff. So far this is all I'm gonna say since I've actually calmed down recently. Whenever I feel really lost I'll definitely come back and share more.