Family (part 1)

A divorce doesn't happen over a few days It builds For months and month, even years Until someone snaps. There is no way it started and ended in less than a year. From my birth to my parents divorce was less than 1 year. And i wasnt an accident. My mom has repeatedly told me how hard she had to try to have me. They both took supplements and pills for months before it worked. They tried so hard And ended up with me. They'll never admit it but I know the truth. One of two things is true and I dont know which is worse. Either I was supposed to fix their marrage and failed. Or I caused it. There's no way they tired so so hard to have me just to turn around randomly less than a year later and decide they hate each other. And they do hate each other. Ive how they talk about each other now. So I know I caused it in some way. Either by fixing to solve it Or by causing the split Maybe it was the arguing over my name Maybe it was because my mom wanted 4 kids but I ate my twin in the womb Maybe its because im a awful person. Ill never know. They both refuse to tell me why. So do my siblings. I know its my fault. And here we are Almost 18 years later. My dad would, at best, disown me if he knew I was trans And my mom is disappointed in me. I'm not as close to her as my sister. And I know she loves her more than me And I know im a disappointment to her Even if she won't admit it. Maybe its because I remind her of him They all tell me how much I'm like him My siblings and family on both sides In looks In mannerisms In the way I act I'm just like him And I hate it I dont want to be like him I dont even want to be a boy But I dont get that choice So ill always be daddy's favorite boy. I'm the only one who's stayed with him anyway. Both my brother and sister moved out of there years ago So now it's me, him, my step mom, and my step bro. And they both hate my step bro because he's autistic and they can't handle the way he works. So I'm my dads son In every way that matters