Is my social anxiety getting worse?

I'm no can't understand my anxiety, it's so hard to understand. And it's no longer just experiencing only post conversation spiral anymore it's social anxiety now, I'm no longer worrying about sentences I said I'm worrying about my whole action during that social interaction not just one sentence anymore the whole thing. Like last time I'm only worrying about what I said now (Idk how to explain). It's so jumbled up, the words are so clear yet so messy to understand. What the fuck is happening? I want to cry but I also can't. I keep saying I'll tell my parents to take me counseling when it gets worse but honestly I don't know anymore. I don't fucking know, my brain says it's just the same as last time but fuck it's worse that last time. My mind always racing, when I wake up I instantly start spiraling. I'm so confused, so anxious, so scared to tell someone even though I already have someone who knows about this. Fuck, even I start to regret telling someone. I don't know I don't know I don't know. I wish I can understand. Why are the thoughts so clear yet I so blurry? And somehow not being able to understand it while having to listen to it clearly makes it worse. I wish I can just tell someone what this thoughts are but even though I already have someone to talk to my mind starts with those excuses again. It's so fucking tiring. I dont know if I'm getting worse or just I don't know.