Just a vent.

Vent about my family: I have been addicted to porn ever since i'm nine or ten years old, Watching RUINED my life. I never told it to a therapist or my parents. They'll probably judge me or told me to pray, hold up. I never said praying is not good. I tried to get close to god but i just can't, i always fall in temptation. Every single time. I am so ashamed of myself that i backed away from god because i fear i might fall into lust i did fell into lust. Many times actually. I can't control it. I tried changing, doing schedules. It went great actually. Then fell back to lust and be lazy. I still want to talk to God but i'm ashamed of myself that i decide to move on without anyone's help. (it didnt work. I fell into lust over and over again.) Why did i never told my parents? Because they just see me as their youngest spoiled child. Who never have good grades. Whenever i'm angry, my sadness always come first that my parents pointed it out, every single time. Its annoying and it hurts me. Instead of helping me out first. They just point at me for crying. DUDE I'M A HUMAN TOO. I never want them to see me like that, i want them to look at me properly took me seriously and freaking comfort me.