a member

Hi guys. So, jumping right into it, there's this girl that I had a summer fling with and I realized that while I am unfortunately addicted to her and need her like the air I breathe, I cannot be with her (specifically?) because she avoids the very thing she advocates for; communicating. Which is soooo fucking ironic. But I like her a lot and I feel like I can help her through it, it's just... I'm afraid to lose myself in the process of helping her. I don't want to be codependent. I want to be an individual who devotes her time to her lover, but also appreciates art and the world and dependency. But fuck, I like her so much and she's all I think about, even in moments where I spend time with other people; I hope and pray she shows up and hangs out with us... it's bad. It might be lust, it might be limerance.... it might be love? I don't know. I thought I was ready to commit—but I don't think I am because I barely even love myself... how can I love someone else?