a member

I'm always jealous when I see other people my age do better with their drawings. Not because I suck, but because I can see them work hard on the basics. For some reason, everytime I look up basics like "learn how to draw anatomy by using boxes" or "practice easy shapes to understand perspective" I just drop the tutoring immediately. I don't know why I hate tutorials so much-- IT WOULD HELP ME SO MUCH. But I am so incapable of just... just... learning those basics, learning to box things, it sonds like math. And I hate math. I despise math and wish every paper sheet tests with math on them would burn down. I don't know why I can't just watch tutorials like a normal person, take their advice, and progress normally. I think it might be ego? "I've gotten this far without this bullshit, why doI need them now?" something like that but also, I think that there is something more about me wanting to go down my own path, but does that path even guarantee proper skills? Does going down my own path guarantee good anatomy, good perspective, good composition...? Does anyone know what the hell is wrong with me?