Can I?

I feel like I'm supposed to be so much more. I was the first kid in my school to be accepted into a university abroad. But the scholarship I applied for got rejected, and financially wise, my family can't afford for me to study there. Honestly, writing the turning down the offer letter may be one of the biggest heartbreaks in my life. I still cry whenever I think of Kyoto. The what could have beens. Luckily though, I got accepted into a top university in my country, though It's not exactly the major I was going for. I'm planning on still trying to apply to other countries this year so I can get accepted into next year's term. But, I'm starting to slip. Studying for the SAT (internationally required for most), taking another IELTS, studying the language, required test based on the country, essays, on top of that I still have classes to attend, assignments, field practices, and I have to manage my own room and money because I moved out and now live in a shared home (my uni is in a different city from my home) I still have hopes for it, but I'm starting to doubt. This will be draining for me. I don't want to hope for something I eventually will lose. Should I chase it?