a member

For months, I was genuinely happy being single. I loved my own space, my own rhythm, and I thought I had all the answers when it came to matters of the heart. Then I met him (He's my classmate). We clicked instantly. He would always ask me for advice, sometimes I feel like he depends on me even with small things (like he would not go to our school event if I wouldn't be there). I don't want to assume but he always makes me feel like I'm special. He's too gentleman and clingy to me. Then suddenly he would post something about liking someone. I started to give meaning about everything we do and then fall for him.. At first he wouldn't tell me about his crush, it is my fault to assume things but eventually he confessed, he like other girl and the sad part ask for my advice. He’d ask me how to start a conversation, what to text. And every time, I’d smile, push down the tight feeling in my chest, and give him my best advice. I helped him draft sweet messages, practice what to say. It is such a cruel feeling that after a long time of being happy and content about being single, you'll end up falling for someone who likes another person. I never confessed. Not even once. It felt easier to be the friend who helps him find happiness than to risk ruining everything by saying what I really felt. So I kept my feelings locked away, playing the role he needed even if it meant my own heart stayed unspoken.