a member

I genuinely hate it sometimes but I really want to become a kpop idol. I know it will never happen no matter how hard I try, and even if I do come close to it I'll lose most if not all of my friends because it's a weird goal. I have okay dancing skills, my singing is also okay, Im not that ugly, I have the willingness to get better, but I'm not Asian at all. And ik most people will think I want to do this to meet other idols that I like but it's not that, I've always wanted to be famous for singing and dancing even before I got into kpop (which was in 2020) I've been a fan of kpop for quite a while and the more I learn about it, even the bad things I quite literally don't care. Idk if it's just so people will care about me if I become famous or what. But i will never actually admit this out loud because then I'll get made fun of by my friends. Plus Im never actually go into do anything to try to accomplish it because I'm too scared to put myself out there, which Ik is the main thing I have to do. But I genuinely can't get myself to record any videos of myself dancing or singing because I'm too scared. Plus if they do accept me what do I tell my parents (I'm 15 btw) they won't make fun of me but they might not accept it. Idk man, what do you think I should do. I've tried giving it up but I just can't, whenever I'm bored I dance in my room and sing while I dance so I've gotten pretty stable vocals now. But should I just give up and find a different goal, a more reasonable one or should I commit to it fully and just try out (online tryouts)??