Problems in life TW: Mention of SH

I think I'm just now starting to realize that my life isn't as good as i thought it was. I'm always slow to pick up on certain things. Apparently my step mom was emotionally abusing me and my siblings which I didn't know about until way later. I also learned that it's not normal to want to carve shapes into your skin whenever you're upset. Too bad I'm a wuss, so I never followed through with it. The most I did was lightly scratch. My mom had this..."friend" or "boyfriend" who's depressed out of his mind. He's kinda homeless so he has literally nowhere to go, but oh my god he is the biggest chud on planet earth. His stole my little brother's room and made him sleep in the living room, and even though my little brother seems happy up there all that disgusting freak does in there is smoke and keave dirty dishes and food to mold and rot. Not to mention he thinks he can make it as a rapper. He always angers my mom to the point of insanity. She broke down his door once during a fight and I had to stay at my neighbors house till they calmed down. I genuinely want to die when he's around. He's also the rudest person ever. He's always drunk and picking fights then acting innocent when he sobers up. I hate him I hate him I hate him. My mom has a really scary yelling voice so I can't help but shiver and cry when she's that angry. My mom also has an autoimmune condition so she isn't supposed to be doing all of this. I made the mistake of telling my middle school counselor I thought about dying though so I'm not allowed near the knives. I can't even joke about dying without people taking me seriously. I really wish I followed through with my plans sometimes. If that fucker ever comes back I might just shoot him dead. He doesn't belong here.