a member

I would like to express everything that is in my mind right now before I go to sleep. Whenever the clock strikes twelve, I feel this sense of nostalgia. Earlier, I started watching videos of Roblox roleplays and it felt like home. The pandemic took a toll on me, probably to everyone. I went through different phases, I was bullied, and became just me again. Thinking back, it feels so nostalgic and I don't know if I'm even allowed to feel nostalgia because I'm too young to do so. I haven't experienced most of life's sweet moments, but I feel like I have already matured to the point where I can think about life's intricacies yet, I'm still here cherishing moments that are so short-lived. I know every emotion or feeling are valid, but right now? It feels so odd to feel this sense of longing for what I've already had before. Like, I can just rewatch and rewatch and rewatch those videos, but it'll never hit that good spot in my head because, the first time always feels more genuine. Rewatching them makes me relive those moments, but I can't fully recreate those genuine feelings I've had. I miss the experiences I've had in the pandemic. It is crazy how that event was six years ago already. Before the pandemic, I was just a kid playing dolls and dress up with my cousins, the full scope of media untouched, innocent, colors are much more brighter, I was more confident, but the pandemic took it all away, and yet, I am here reminiscing about the things that happened those days. I just wish I could play dolls again with my cousins.