People...

I dunno how to say this but I genuinely feel so fucked. Basically my whole life I've been weird from most of the other kids. Now that I'm actually a conscious person that fact is even more transparent. My parents always introduce me as shy or "not used to new people." They're right. Its almost crippling... I'm starting to think I have something wrong with me when I think about it. I never really had friends ever that genuinely wanted to be around me or those that stuck around long. Those who were nice to me are aquaintences who forget all about me in a year. I akways make an effort to feel like a ghost child too. I rarely ever join clubs because I know I'm gonna see my ass in some random photo in the school year book. I also have a weird obsession with hoodies. I like to think I'm not insecure with my body, but I genuinely do not feel safe without one on. When I was only 11 i wore my raincoat t school EVERYDAY in almost 100 degree weather. Then it switched to sesaters and hoodies. Compromises with my mom of course. As for my behavior, I'm the biggest cry baby you'll ever meet. I always end up super irritated or just straight up break down when I'm in crowded places and it's so embarrassing to have to be escorted away by staff at school... I felt like a baby or small child who can't regulate their emotions well. That's probably actually it though. I never cry when I actually am supposed to. Only when my brain feels like it's the end of the world. If you were to take me to target I'd pace around snd scratch at my arms until its time to leave. I'm really bad at connecting with people. Not even my own family knows much about me. I hate hugs, I don't like talking to unfamiliar family, and blah blah blah blazey blazey blazey. It sucks man... I literally cannot relate to any posts about having friends because I'm that much of a child. Even worse, everyone calls me "Gifted" or "smart for my age." All because I'm better than average. Its like they don't mean it...