bunch of whatever

theres a ton of thigns i want ti talk about im so tired and it's my fault. i always bite off more than i can chew knowing im too lazy to finish anything anyways. lazy or burnt out, i dont even know at this point i just want to talk and talk and talk but the only person that really engages me enough isn't available most of the time. my other friends are boring or dont understand my point or are just plain annoying. most of the friends i find slightly fun or whatever are in a separate class. in my class it's completely dead and there's a person so desperate to destroy my social circle it's pathetic because i never did shit to her anyways. now that ive got a crush on a dude who i never thought id like, everyone else seems boring. if im not with him my head is bored half to death and i get so frustrated. it's so exhausting. hes genujnely the only person who id willingly talk to just because he's rhe only person that i enjoy conversing with ans gets my humoR. im a naturally lustful person and i get so frustrated at myself and so guilty whenever i catch myself thinking of him in such a way. it makes me feel like i dony really "love" him or like him or whatecer in an honest way and im just loking for somronr to pass the time the friends i have arent people id willingly befriend just because i think we'd be good friends. most of the time i have a motive, and thinking of that makes me feel like a bad perskn