a member

a few days ago(I think it was in sunday) I was yk normally sleeping late and all, and I have this friend group with multiple people. suddenly one of my 'friends'(I'll just call her P.A) texted this really long message, it was like 10:47 I was so tired, I was about to sleep till I saw a message, it read, "guys, im sorry for all of you that i want to end and leave this friendgroup, and i will never come back. because ive been really tired and i dont like on how you guys act. i feel like im the one whose always watching over you guys's mental. ive been teaching you guys on how to act to elders, youngers, friends, family, basically everyone. and i dont feel like ive ever been a spotlight in you guys's life. you guys have been really careless and i feel like this group is just for joy, friendships cannot be like that. i dont want to teach you guys about how to act in friendships because im not perfect. the point is, i dont want to comeback to this friendgroup. choices are handed to you whatever the answers are its up to you. without me. and last thank you and sorry." one thing I didn't get was she thought me and the others in the group were..Careless..? mind you we have ALWAYS cared for her and other people? I understand her struggles but..I just feel like most of the things she said aren't true. she has always been the spotlight, and not only in our life but also almost everywhere. also she has never taught us how to act around anybody? I want to try to understand her but I feel like I genuinely can't, she has been the most toxic person i have ever met, and I don't want to portray her as the 'evil friend' because I care for her just like everyone else. and I don't know if I can believe her again because this is the 3RD time she said she will never come back to a friend group, basically the one where she sent the message was a 5 people group, I used to be a trio with PBJ & P.C(2 very lovely friends I have) then P.A joined, and a few months later she left the trio saying we were toxic and careless? but then another few months she came back acting like nothing happened. another time was back in april-may(?) she was talking behind PBJ & P.C'S back, she told me they were annoying and unfunny, I brushed it off because I thought she was in a bad mood, till the next day she was ranting about how their singing was annoying, we got into a fight because it made me uncomfortable on how she was talking about her and my friends behind their back, she left the 4 people group and said how she will never come back ever again, and yes she did come back 3 months later, AGAIN acting like nothing happened. except one of our friends (let's call them P.K) P.K joined the group a month after P.A left, slowly but surely P.A and P.K started distancing us and P.A always looked like she was talking about somebody. P.K usual joy faded, she was more distant with PBJ, P.C, and me, I was pretty anxious about the fact that she started becoming more..like tired? sad-ish , and guess what P.K told me that P.A was..well talking behind PBJ, P.C, and my back? I genuinely felt so hurt. I told her 'oh alright thanks for telling me.' P.A has talked about so many of her friends behind their back, and now I'm not friends with her anymore, I feel relieved but at the same time I feel like kinda sad, I feel stupid for crying over a friendship. I dont know why I still care, she has hurt me multiple times and has NEVER had the thought to say sorry, she choked me, shaped me, pushed me down the stairs, and so much more, so I don't know why I miss our friendship. I guess I just miss when we were unstoppable together. if you read all the way here then, thank you.