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Teachers knew my parents too, my friends and everyone either turned a blind eye or chided me softly then stopped or smth. I was a child, how is a child supposed to know not to do something if nobody ever tells them not to? It wasnt just me. Others are to blame but if i were to say anything in my real like i know all the blame would be shifted. I feel so lucky, after she died people ignored what could've made her want to do that, so they ignored me. I wont say her name tho nobody likely knows her she wasnt popular and after her death she stayed that way, it felt so good after her name faded away and people stopped talking about it, its like i can forget about it to like it never happened. I feel disconnected from what i did its like it wasnt me, and in some ways it wasnt. I absolutely wont go into what exactly i did to her, i can barely handle writing even this but doing that will definitely make me break down. But do i even deserve to write that knowing what i did. Im so scared all the time, i feel like im gonna explode i wanna scream out that i think it was me, but i know my life would be ruined, i think i can just live like thiss though, isnt feeling like this punishment enough??? I feeel like something, karma, god whatever is gonna come down one day and get me back. it feels so good to finally write that even just typing this out hurridly on my phone feels like a weight has been lifted off me. Hence this post i can tell people and punish myself, its like i can give her a little justice without hurting myself. I dont feel guilt i just feel a strange sense of relief and numbness which is y i can even do this