a member

I was in a relationship for 2 years that was unstable and mentally exhausting and he cheated on me physically and I finally slapped myself and broke up with him and not even a month into clearing my head and giving it time my friend (ex previously before this one) automatically chained me to a relationship with him and I told him I need time but he doesn't care and 3 months later I'm stressing out and crying every night because he's pushing me of doing things that I don't want to do and to be honest I really don't love him and it hurts to say that I rather be friends with him than being in a relationship with him and I'm also scared of his family mostly his mom and I dont know what to do and I have to fake of loving him and fake of being happy around him and his family... I really am stuck and I'm getting chest pains just by talking/writing this and all this is putting me into deep depression and I'm scared to tell anyone included my parents/family.. I dont know what they will say and I don't want them telling him how I feel about all this and all this is wanting to commit and self ... Bit I'm trying to control myself from those thoughts right now..