a member

I haven't felt like anything. And I've just been so happy with friends but I'm tired, most people my age are. And with the recent suicedes and deaths in my school I've been tempted. I know my problems have a solution. But I still hate it. I hate how I act. I'm not the best which isn't bad but I'm not even at least decent. I Don't need to be a favorite but I'm not even decent? How the fuck am I not decent? It can't be that hard. I want to stop cutting. But I feel like I need to do it. I know I Don't NEED to do it. All I need to do is not go to the bath room or just Don't do it. But I just can't. I really feel like it. I know my friends care, they see it. But they're quiet, they say they won't push but I really need them to push. And my school has been putting a spot light on mental health which means others experience it. That doesn't mean I'm not alone. I am alone. Its all just a fat stupid joke. Everyone just thinks I'm so dumb and it's so funny. Wtvr "oh Don't push it away" OMD SHUT UP I ALREADY KNOW THAT. IM NOT DUMB OMG I JUST ACT LIKE IT. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE. IM NOT FUNNY. NOT SMART ENOUGH. NOT COOL. OMFG JUST TAKE MY LIFE BE ME. WTVR